Struggling Husband Grapples with Wife’s Affair with Former Flame

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I’ve recently uncovered that my wife indulged in an affair with her ex-beau. She’d clued me in on their past bond before we exchanged vows, and as life went on, he settled down, eventually mingling in our circle as a family acquaintance.

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Her candidness about keeping in touch with him threw me off the scent, until I stumbled upon them together. In the face of my confrontation, she owned up to harboring feelings for him over the last year.

Divorce loomed close, but she acknowledged her folly and the absurdity of her extramarital escapade.

Counselling sessions came into play, yet she’s buckling under the strain, prompting me to hit pause on them for now.

Even so, a persistent unease about her betrayal lingers in my thoughts. She’s vowed to steer clear of such missteps again, yet can I really count on her word?

Our intimate life has, paradoxically, ramped up since the revelation of her infidelity.

I’m left grappling with the motive behind her betrayal. She’s confessed to a waned interest in our intimacy at one point.

I’m at a crossroads, uncertain whether there’s a path forward where we can turn the page and proceed with our shared journey.

Where did I slip up?

Coleen responds…

You’ve not erred here. It’s a common trap to think you’re at fault when faced with a partner’s infidelity—I speak from experience. Counselling might be tough for her, but if she’s intent on salvaging our marriage, she’ll endure it.

The counselling is taxing because it confronts her with guilt—she’s avoiding facing the extent of your hurt from her affair.

Make it clear to her: the need for counselling wouldn’t exist if not for her affair. Should she truly seek to resolve things, she’ll confront her remorse head-on.

There’s no enchantment to fix this instantly. Healing demands patience and mutual effort.

It’s time to assert yourself—express your commitment to her but stress the need for an honest dialogue about the affair to prevent drifting apart.

You seem to be going to great lengths for her contentment, yet she’s the one who should be striving to mend fences!

Without understanding the root of her infidelity, the threat of repetition looms, and that’s what she must come to terms with.

No one blissfully content decides on a whim to cheat. There were undoubtedly issues that led her to risk your life together.

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